A Vita Story…

Image

My Vita, after going through a phase of appearing to “get it” has made some regressions in his behavior with his dad. This effectively has put me in the middle of some pretty intense disagreements and it is very emotionally draining.

Well, last week V and I were downstairs doing laundry when he looked up and said “Mom, you are the heart of this house. You are the soul of this family.”

And just as tears were starting to form in my eyes he continued with “Well, you know if you died, I wouldn’t cry or nothing but I’d think of you as I packed my bags to go live with Mrs. K.”

I looked at him and busted out laughing.

This, I think, is the perfect and honest example of the way a child with attachment disorder feels. Vita tells me constantly he loves me, and I think he does in the best way he can – but, if I were to die he’d be able to move on with no heartbreak…

 

 

 

Advertisements

The day God answered my prayer…

Image

This past week I had an experience which is quite unusual for me, but one which I think would occur much more often if I only opened up to my heart to it. I had a direct, in your face, answer to a prayer which occurred within the hour of me beseeching Jesus to help me out.

This move back  to my homeland happened in a quite orderly fashion. Everything fell into place and we arrived back in the Frozen North as expected. BUT…within days of getting here things started falling apart in such an evil and systematic way that it occurred to me that we were suffering spiritual attacks. Because really, one or two things going awry is just circumstance. But, a daily pounding of disaster, one thing right after another, without end just seemed too much to be circumstance.

One of the poundings we have taken is financial, and it was compounded by the fact my last paycheck from Texas, on Friday, was for only one week’s pay. What? I had calculated for a full check!!! Well, okay, maybe I could make this work….but then….

Then, we had a tire blowout on my car and needed to replace all but one. Then, my husband’s car went on the fritz and it appears there is something wrong with something called “a powertrain” (not quite sure what that means, but it makes car knowledgeable people screw up their face in sympathetic pity and shake their heads). Then, several huge bills came due. And there I sat with not enough money to cover these immediate and dire needs much less buy food and have gas money for the next two weeks!

So, with stress and despair filling me, and tears streaming down my face I asked Jesus to please find us the money we need. That was it. No fancy words, just that simple cry for help.  Almost immediately, the face of Mary-Lou appeared before me. No, not like a floating in the air image, but a strong, brief, visual of her face.  Mary Lou works in HR at my old job, works with the time cards and such, soooo….I shot off a text to her asking about the one week’s pay and did I miscalculate? Her response: “nope, your last day fell in the middle of a pay period.” More tears and worse, a feeling of despair and fear that all that had happened was too big for me to take on and keep my sanity

[Before I continue, some Mary-Lou back story….

Now, one thing you need to know of Mary-Lou is that she has the strongest, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual connection to Our Lord than anyone I’ve ever met.  That is NOT an exaggeration either.  To her, Christ is not some vague spiritual image or a religious icon to whom to make a  half-hearted, genuflected effort of respect; but in her words, He is “the Word made flesh!” The next thing to know about Mary-Lou is that she does not spend her time shoving her beliefs down the throats of others or pointing out the sins which will make one go to hell…nope, that is not Mary-Lou. She just quietly lives The Word, and in doing so brings peace and joy and non-condemning love to those around her. Although Catholic like me, she is able to share and love the Word with people of all faiths (even those who profess disgust for Catholics) and they respond right back to her!]

Mary-Lou texted back and said she’d look into and within the hour I get back a message that she realized my vacation time had not been paid out to me and made arrangements for it to be direct deposited by Tuesday…and I will be receiving just the right amount of money I need to cover the most pressing financial needs! 

BAM! Just like that!!! But wait! There’s more!!!

I then get a call from my contact at my new company and on Friday will be receiving the travel reimbursement which will allow us groceries and gas money until next payday!!! 

So, from that simple, tearful, heartfelt prayer Jesus worked through two people and answered my prayer and fulfilled my needs. He lifted up my soul and soothed the pain and despair which were overtaking me.

So, I leave you  with the chant our high school youth group would yell at our youth conferences….

GOD IS GOOD!  ALL THE TIME!

ALL THE TIME! GOD IS GOOD!

 

 

What would change? Nothing I fear…

Image

As a teen, Scarlett was my favorite literary heroine.

Here is something I’ve been pondering these past few weeks. All of my life I think I have been “waiting”…waiting for certain things to fall into alignment after which my life would be one of exquisite perfection. Something has been niggling in my mind however, I’ve been in this stasis of waiting, but had never quite put pen-to-paper as to what would change and what would be achieved, or really what it is I am waiting for to happen in my life.

So, here goes…

So, what must change in me to achieve perfection in this life?

  1. Lose 50 lbs.
  2. Have my smile cosmetically enhanced
  3. Have artfully highlighted hair done by someone who is not the cheapest stylist
  4. Have my face defy aging and gravity
  5. Ummmm…more I’m sure, but I’m not thinking of them at this particular moment…

What would these superficial changes bring to me in return?

  1. Unconditional love of my family
  2. Children who are successful (by their standards, not mine) and able to provide for themselves
  3. Health and prosperity for my family and friends
  4. Acceptance by the world
  5. Confidence in all situations
  6. Happiness which would be unending
  7. Unlimited wealth and the ability to provide for the frivolous wants and desires for all the people I love
  8. Clothes that won’t wrinkle as I go through the day
  9. A house which would be worthy of a magazine photo shoot
  10. Impeccable spiritual life

Yeah….I think I’m thinking what you are…how dumb is this? How can that list of superficial desires and worldly shallowness, in reality, impact or effect these things I think would make me happy? What is truly keeping me from that which is really important?  What is keeping me from that elusive contentment?

I think it may be time for digging uncomfortably deep into myself and figure out what the common denominator in in that list of desires…and why THOSE particular things have value to me…It makes me squirmy-sick-to-my-tummy-uncomfortable just pondering it…

Mulitplying boxes….

Image

 

My Pookie has been home a month. I just arrived a few days ago. I thought everything was unpacked as our living areas are are so full and making us a candidate for an episode of Hoarders. Imagine my HORRIFIED SURPRISE to walk into a room I thought empty only to find it PILED HIGH WITH UNPACKED BOXES!!!!! 

And, just to make things spicy, we didn’t pack a single clothes hanger….or if we did, those hangers are in the Room of Boxed Horrors….

Last day at the Hell Mouth….SURPRISE!

Image

Well dear friends, let me clarify, when I say “Hell Mouth” that is  not comprehensively descriptive of everyone in my office and the RGV. Just like Buffy had her Scoobey gang, I had a small group of wonderful and dear people. Unfortunately, except for two, *none* of them worked in my department.  My actual days were spent being made miserable by Dilbert and his Rotten-Egg Gang and then seeking support from my Angels.

Well, as my time drew to a close, attempts to plan a big get together just fell apart.  The last two weeks were days of one-on-one lunches, a drink and appetizer evening out, and short, fun visits. Overall I was feeling happy and content.

My last day began with me training the new replacement and as we went from department to department saying final goodbyes. Mary-Lou (a beautiful person who works in H.R.)  had offered to have lunch in the cafeteria with me and I was so excited! I invited a few others to join us, but received polite declines. It was Friday after all, and lots of people cut out early.

So, imagine my delight when one department paged me and I walked into a surprise party of cake and gifts! Beaming. I was just beaming. Then, I get a page that H.R. needed me to come A.S.A.P. and sign discharge documents and I needed to hurry.

I get to H.R. and the employee health nurse and recruiter were impatiently waiting and said they’d like to have a fast lunch before I left. I told them of Mary-Lou and they agreed to come along BUT my discharge papers were in the office and my leaving had to be finalized as soon as possible.

We quickly hurried to my department, we walked in and….

SURPRISE!!!!!!

Every one of the people I loved best, INCLUDING those who said they were not going to be around were there with a beautiful lunch, a pink feathered boa, cake and presents!!!  I burst into tears. Me. I’m not a sentimental crier in the least, but there I stood speechless with tears running down my face. All of H.R., our COO and wife (whom I adore), parents of a child I had worked with, the angel people from the department were there clapping and celebrating me.  This was more than I had ever imagined or dreamed.

As you get to know me better, you will know that way deep down I have trouble believing that I am important to other people. The reasons for this are long, likely boring, but I lack that confidence that I am someone special or that I am worthy of this love. So, this goodbye party, in short, was a big WOW of love straight to my heart.  Many people went to great lengths for this to happen and it was humbling and joyous for me.

I’m still smiling…and there just may be a tear or two as I remember that day…